"While crossing the border 2 days ago, I watched this little fur ball escape the plams of his hustling drug lord, wheelie through the talons of a giant buzzard, front flip down a 10 stair, then dodge cars like frogger until I made a leap of faith tuck and rolling in front of a speeding taxi scraping my left testicle to snag him by his tiny tail for the rescue. Introducing: Cheesy Water Noodles the second."

Ugh. Perfection.